How far should I go to maintain peaceful relations with the father of my children?

Im not sure why you have constantly rearranged your life and the Lives of your children for someone you divorced several years back. Stop emotionally abusing your children or they will grow up to be completely unstable. For your daughters you are teaching them that comfort and common sense dont belong to any woman and for your sons that Men are the most important factors in a Woman's Life woman are to be devalued unless they are doing exactly as a Man pleases! Can't you see that you have repeatedly been a puppet in his world. You have to start making solid decisions that give your children stability!